"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2cor.12.1/10

This passage would be one that I would frequent quite often. I was just thinking about being weak lately. I am weak. Sometimes I notice it, sometimes I don't. Lately it has been very apparent to me that I am weak in many aspects of my life. I love this section of scripture though, seeing how much Paul desired to be freed from his weakness 'I pleaded with the Lord about this...' its like, 'God could you just break my little finger or something? Do I really need this? Is there anything a little bit less painful?' ... What was God's reply everytime? 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Now this is where I fail everytime, this is where I sin. I don't trust in Him. When He tells me that His grace is sufficient I turn around and try and fight my weakness in my strength. I think that Paul here is modelling something that I want to be growing in. I want to be able to fully trust in God's power, His strength, His grace; I want to be content in weakness, insults, hardships, persectutions, and calamities... Confident that when I am weak, I am strong.

Just thinking about a friend that is battling cancer right now. He is living this. He just had his second round of chemo and has completely lost all his hair. His wife just had their newest addition to the family the other day. He was at church on sunday, full of joy, there was little that was any different about him. He is going through one of the greatest trials that he probably will ever face and he is doing it joyfully trusting in the God who is strong when he is weak, the God who's grace is completely sufficient in his time of great weakness.

Great song by Starfield that talks of this... Encouraged me this morning...


I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

-Unashamed-Beauty in the Broken- Starfield

thoughts of josh, from his sisters point of view.

I went online to do a post on my own blog when I discovered Josh had left his blogger account up and logged in. Well being the little sister that I am, I saw nothing but a prime opportunity that must not be wasted. So I thought, I would tell you all how much Josh means to me. And how grateful I am to everyone in his current "home" for taking such great care of my big brother. (I know it isn't always so easy....

Josh left this morning for his other home. San Diego. I have to say it is finally getting to the point where, in my brain this whole concept doesn't seem extremely strange. It was almost more weird for him to be here. Not that I didn't miss him this morning when I woke up and knew he was on a plane flying miles and miles from our house, but I just understand now.

Now I see. Things won't ever be the same as before he left. But they shouldn't be the same. Time didn't stand still, but it didn't change for the bad. It changed for our good.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

That verse pretty much sums up Josh in San Dieog to me.

I see the changes that have occurred in Josh. There is way to many to name. From the seemingly meaningless things like, eating vegetables and pizza toppings to actually willingly hugging people. Then you have the more "serious" things, just small things that build up and make josh a all-around better person. His willingness to serve, his humility, his caring heart. Just normal Josh x10. It was a joy to have him home, even if it was only for the weekend.

Josh adds something to a room, some kind of new, odd energy.

I am glad he is coming back to our home, but I am sad for all of you because I know its hard when he's gone.

Als.

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on..." Matthew 6.25

I was thinking about this verse earlier this week. I am a very analytical person, I like to look at things logically I like to work stuff out... Every once in a while those are helpful traits, but I generally don't find them helpful when looking at God's word. I have read this verse so many times and I get frustrated thinking that Jesus' command could be so obvious, there must be something underneath. I really don't think there is.
I just got this picture (in my head) of me @ age 4... okay... wait... I am a bad example. I got a picture of my brother at age 4, he had no worries. When you're 4, you don't wake up in the morning worrying about whether you are going to get to eat that day, or about whether you have clothes to wear, you just know they will be there. You don't only know, but you fully expect them to be there. Talk about trust! There is never a concern, never a worry. I believe that is what Jesus is calling us to in this verse. He wants us to be able to live aware that he knows everyone of our needs and is taking care of us at all points. I want this kind of trust. Check Proverbs...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways awknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

-Proverbs 3:5,6

Isaiah 43
1But now thus says the LORD,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
2When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
3For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
4Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you...

12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand
and marked off the heavens with a span,
enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure
and weighed the mountains in scales
and the hills in a balance?
13 Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord,
or what man shows him his counsel?
14 Whom did he consult,
and who made him understand?
Who taught him the path of justice,
and taught him knowledge,
and showed him the way of understanding?
15 Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket,
and are accounted as the dust on the scales;
behold, he takes up the coastlands like fine dust.
16 Lebanon would not suffice for fuel,
nor are its beasts enough for a burnt offering.
17 All the nations are as nothing before him,
they are accounted by him as less than nothing and emptiness.

21 Do you not know? Do you not hear?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?
...

The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I've done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I've done.

For What I’ve Done

I start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.
What I’ve done.

Forgiving What I’ve Done.
— What I've Done-Linkin Park—

I heard this song today, I am not doing a CD review or anything like that. I wouldn't recommend this band, but I do find this song extremely interesting. The writer starts by talking about how he has 'drawn regret from a thousand lies.' He knows that he has done much wrong, and it appears he is uncertain and feels the need to 'forgive' what he's done. I am amazed by just how aware our world is of the fact that something is not right. Romans 1 says, "For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened." The writer of this song needs a Savior, but since he does not know where to look, he is looking to himself to be his own savior... He is going to 'cross out' what he has become; he will 'let go' of what he has done and forgive himself, but that will not change his standing before God. There is one large flaw in the way he is seeing things, he does not need to be made right with himself, he needs to be made right with the one whom he has sinned against, namely, God. But as we who are in Christ Jesus know, we cannot make ourselves right. In ourselves we are absolutely useless. We are completely unable of attaining our own salvation. If you think you can, then I would challenge you to see how long you can go for without sinning. The amazing thing is that "EVEN IF" (note the emphasis) we were able, from this point on, to live a sinless life, then what would we do about the sin that we had already committed? If this writer was able to 'wash his slate clean' and live perfectly until his death, that does not make up for the sins of his past. Our efforts will surely fail when we try and be our own savior. What this man needs to be forgiven, what you and I need to be forgiven, is a sinless substitute. We need a Savior, but he cannot just be a man, because all men have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (rom3), but he needs to be part God as well. . . This God/man is a reality. His name is Jesus Christ. He came to earth, born of a virgin, He lived a perfect life... a life of absolute obedience to the law, to His Father, never once did He sin. He was then put to death on a cross, becoming a curse, bearing all the sins of those who would believe in Him in His body on the tree. He died and was buried in a tomb and on the third day He rose again. He had accomplished the greatest transaction ever made! We, at the moment He died, were given a spotless clean robe of His righteousness. We now have no need to atone for our sins, or to live a perfect life, for we know the impossibility of that venture, but we need only to trust in His Righteousness as our standing place.

This song greives me because there are many in our world who know that they are not right, but they do not know how to get right. And so they look everywhere; they search to find a way of atoning for their sins but it is a hopeless task. Unless God chooses to reveal to them the great news of the Gospel, they will perish in their sin. May we pray for the lost, may we seek the opportunities that present themselves and share. If we don't, who will?

This post is for mothers. I've had several in my life over the past 8 months, I would like to take a little time to write about each... Lets start with my mom.

I don't really know where to start. I guess I'll start at the beginning. You carried me around in your stomach for 9 months. You brought me into this world, you changed my diapers, you fed me, you wiped my tears, you cleaned my cuts and scrapes, you prayed with me, for me... you taught me about Jesus... Thinking about the time I was walking through the mall holding your hand singing "THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE BLOOD..." at the top of my lungs. I wish I knew what song that was... but I knew it then, every word... Little did I know the significance of that blood, and what my Savior had to suffer to cleanse me from all my sin. But I was soon taught of that, by my mom. You read me books, made me peanut butter and jam sandwiches (my favorite), drove me to school, helped with homework, answered questions (over and over again), put up with my sensitive side (being afraid of the dark and afraid of being alone), pulled slivers out of my hands, cared for me when I was sick, cared for me when I wasn't, helped teach me to drive, helped me graduate (impressive), encouraged me with scripture, helped me to love scripture, taught me to love God.

You are an example of what I want to find in a wife one day. I would say you're the closest thing I have ever seen to a proverbs 31 woman. The way you manage the house, the way you raise the little critters, the way you serve and love dad, the way you love Jesus. ..

I could go on. It has been hard to be away from you for this long. I am pretty cynical about stupid 'hallmark' holidays, but I will always take another chance to thank you. I love you, mom. I miss you. Looking forward to being home with you. I don't deserve a mom like you.

Rondi Lauterbach - One of my San Diego mothers. You have been such a joy to be around! You've taught me how to cook (we got a long ways to go, but still, I'm improving), you've encouraged me many times, you've shown me a model of what a godly wife and mother should look like... and a whole lot of other things... A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the couch in the morning reading my bible and she was walking up the stairs and she said to me, "Josh I have a word for you today, I believe it's from God, the word is 'Rejoice that your name is written in heaven' don't rejoice that worship went well on sunday, or that you are young and healthy, or that you take cool pictures or any of those things that we tend to get all excited and rejoice in... they are all good, but today, just think about the fact that your name is written in heaven, and rejoice in that" That is a small example of her care. Her desire to not only just have me living with her and Mark, but also to see me loving Jesus more is admirable.

Mireille White - Basically your family took me in. The first day that I got here I had a plate of cookies from the Whites. If there ever was the slightest need, It gets taken care of when I am at your house. You have gotten me to eat foods that I would've never tried. My appreciation for cheese comes from you. I have been so encouarged by your hospitality, by your love to serve others, your outward, selfless focus... A good example of your motherly care is how you buy peanut butter for me. Barely anyone in the White household eats peanut butter (maybe no one?) but there is always peanut butter in their pantry, why? Because she knows I love to make sandwiches. So they are always stocked and it's because of josh. That is amazing.

Jan Batten - I think you have kept me alive while I've been here... For all that I make fun of you, I really do think that I would've been hospitalized a few times had it not been for all of your miracle potions! You are always making sure I am getting sleep, taking my vitamins, drinking water... all that stuff. You have also been extremely hospitable and encouraging. You are an amazing cook. Other than that fennel stuff, I've liked every single thing that I have ever eaten at your house (that's a big victory, ask my mother). You've also made me aware of a whole load of health things that I wish I never knew about ... but that could be another post... haha... Grateful for you.

Happy mothers day, Mom.
Happy mothers day San Diego Moms!

I am a lucky guy/ way to lucky.

I found this chunk of CS Lewis book, 'Out of The Silent Planet' to be very thought provoking. Chewing on it lately. I don't know how he manages to write a fiction and yet stick sections like this in there... Read it. Wrap your mind around it... crazy.

"The war-like nature of their prepatations suggested many questions to Ransom. He knew no word for war, but he managed to make Hyoi understand what he wanted to know. Did seroni and hrossa and pfiflriggi ever go out like this, with weapons, against each other?
"What for?" asked Hyoi.
It was difficult to explain. "If both wanted one thing and neither would give it," said Ransom, "would the other at last come with force? Would they say, give it or we kill you?"
"What sort of thing?"
"Well—food, perhaps."
"If the other hnau wanted food, why should we not give it to them? We often do."
"But how if we had not enough for ourselves?"
"But Maledil will not stop the plants growing."
"Hyoi, if you had more and more young, would Maleldil broaden the handramit and make enough plants for them all?"
"The seroni know that sort of thing. But why should we have more young?"
Ransom found this difficult. At last he said:
"Is the begetting of young not a pleasure among the hrossa?"
"A very great one, Hman. This is what we call love."
"If a thing is a pleasure, a Hman wants it again. He might want the pleasure more often than the number of young that could be fed."
It took Hyoi a long time to get the point.
"You mean," he said slowly, "that he might do it not only in one or two years of his life but again?"
"Yes."
"But why? Would he want his dinner all day or want to sleep after he had slept? I do not understand."
"But a dinner comes every day. This love, you say, comes only once while the hross lives?"
"But it takes his whole life. When he is young he has to look for his mate; and then he has to court her; then he begets young; the he rears them; then he remembers all this, and boils it inside him and makes it into poems and wisdom."
"But the pleasure he must be content only to remember?"
"That is like saying "My food I must be content to eat." "
"I do not understand."
"A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking, Hman, as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory another. It is all one thing. the seroni could say it better than I say it now. Not better than I could say it in a poem. What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure, as the crah is the last part of a poem. When you and I met, the meeting was over very shortly, it was nothing. Now it is growing something as we remember it. But still we know very little about it. What it will be when I remember it as I lie down to die, what it makes in me all my days till then—that is the real meeting. The other is only the beginning of it..."

Ransom pondered this. Here, unless Hyoi was deceiving him, was a species naturally continent, naturally monogamous. And yet, was it so strange? Some animals, he knew, had regular breeding seasons; and if nature could perfom the miracle of turning the sexual impulse outward at all, why could she not go further and fix it, not morally but instinctively, to a single object? He even remembered dimly having heard that some terrestrial animals, some of the "lower" animals, were naturally monogamous. Among the hrossa, anyway, it was obvious that unlimited breeding and promiscuity were as rare as the rarest perversions. At last it dawned upon him that it was not they, but his own species, that were the puzzle. That the hrossa should have such instincts was mildly surprising; but how came it that the instincts of the hrossa so closely resembled the unattained ideals of the far-divided species Man whose instincts were so deplorably different? What was the history of Man?

- CS Lewis "Out of The Silent Planet" -

"To bind a Roman citzen is a crime, to flog him is an abomination, to kill him is almost an act of murder: to crucify him is—What? There is no fitting word that can possibly describe so horrible a deed." - Cicero -

This caught my attention this morning, as I was reading "The Cross of Christ" by John Stott. Most people would say that Cicero was one of the brightest minds in the Roman world. He was a thinker, he didn't just say stuff or write stuff lightly. Cicero wrote this referring, obviously, to his thoughts on how wrong it is to mis-treat a Roman citizen. Cicero stated that, "to bind a Roman citzen is a crime, to flog him is an abomination... to crucify him is—What? There is no fitting word that can describe so horrible a deed..." This is what he thinks of doing these things to a Roman citizen! OUR SINS MADE IT NECESSARY FOR GOD'S SON TO RECIEVE THOSE VERY PUNISHMENTS! If this is so shocking that a Roman citizen should die in such a way, HOW MUCH MORE should we be amazed that God's only Son recieved such punishment? May we be humbled as we reflect that such a death was necessary to allow us access to God. He had to crush His only Son for us.

ISAIAH.53.3.6.10
"He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him;
he has put him to grief;"

"We are righteous and sinners at the same time" - Luther -

I don't know why but this quote really struck me yesterday. Mark quoted it in his sermon yesterday. It isn't that complicated, but its so true. At all times we are righteous, because of Christ, and yet we are still in sin. Yesterday for example, I was leading worship and I was getting a bit angry with the way things were going, it didn't feel like it was going the way we rehearsed at all... I was angry, and yet I was leading God's people in worship... I look at those times and wonder why God allowed me to continue? I would say the answer is that He sees me as righteous. This is the amazing part about worship yesterday, I was so proud, so self-righteous, so angry... and then I just felt the gentle conviction of the Spirit, it was like He was saying to me, "don't worry about all of this... WORSHIP ME" I was hearing that during communion. So it took me three songs until I was beginning to realize my sin and how ugly it was... But once I was able to repent and turn my eyes to Jesus it felt as though this flood of grace came down upon me. We started to sing the words, "I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus of Nazarene, and wonder how he could love me a sinner condemned unclean" and then moving on to "Your blood has washed away my sin, Jesus Thank you, The Fathers wrath completely satisfied, Jesus Thank You, ONCE YOUR ENEMY NOW SEATED AT YOUR TABLE, Jesus Thank You"

I couldn't quite get out the words... I am righteous, but yet a sinner at the same time, confusing... but amazing.

"It seems now that if trials and troubles should come, if I could but hold my hand upon this precious text, I would laugh at them all. “Who can turn him?”—I would shout—“Who can turn him?” Come on, earth and hell; come on, for “who can turn him?” Come on, ye boisterous troubles, come on, ye innumerable temptations, come on, slanderer and liar, “who can turn him?” - Spurgeon -

I just started writing another post on proverbs... It had some teeth to it, I think it could've been good, but as I was typing I felt like it wasn't the right post for today, I need Gospel truth, "I NEED GOSPEL! I NEED GOSPEL!" I thought to myself. I thought it a strange thing to be yelling at myself (in my head), but I also realized that any desire for Gospel truth does not come from me. I really believe that the spirit has been stirring in my heart to preach the Gospel to myself more and more... That being said... here it is.

I have been struggling under a large weight of condemnation lately. What does the Bible say about condemnation? I always go to Romans 8 \\ "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit... So then brothers, we are debtors... The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs —heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ..." \\

There is no condemnation, WHY? Because we have been set free from the law of sin and death. HOW? Because God the Father sent His only Son into the world to live a perfect life, to die with ALL OF MY SINS and your sins upon His shoulders that He might give us the perfect, spotless robe of His righteousness. We were dead. We were dead in our sin, we had no desire in ourselves to seek God. He had to make a way, and He did make a way. We now have access into the presence of God through the death of Christ Jesus our Lord.

Our sin has been completely paid for. It is forgotten. When we stand before God one day, we will be able to look upward and say, "I'm with Him"





no condemnation. its not biblical.